Thursday, 21 July 2016

I know I'm now a mum because...

I recently reached out to all my mummy friends and asked them for their thoughts on how life has changed for them now they have babies.  I've put some of them together here, I'm sure many of them will resonate with you. If you have any others feel free to comment...

When checking my pockets I am unphased by finding wet baby socks.Wet wipes are everywhere and used for everything.
I now say things like, "Yes, I had a great sleep thanks, 4 hours."
I'm not afraid to have my boobs out anywhere.I openly talk about poo and sick.
I want to put my pjs on at 7pm. 
There are muslin cloths in every handbag I own.  
One boob is always bigger than the other.
I catch myself bouncing things when there's no baby around. 
I now carry a changing bag as a handbag.I now know there are multiple verses to row row your boat.
There's generally vomit on the right shoulder of my clothes.
Pets are expensive and I never see them. 
I wish I were ambidextrous.
I can achieve more one handed than I realised.
I have no further use for dangly/expensive jewellery.
All previous photos are worthless as they don't involve my child.
There are now more seats in my house than ever before - car seat, bouncer, high chair, bean bag, bumbo, second bouncer, carrier . . . . Ironically, I never get to sit down.
I am losing my hair at an alarming rate.
I think about my baby more than anything else.
I spend all day looking after her then look at photos and videos of her in the evening - obsessed! 
If a tiny bug lands on my baby my heart races with panic.
I want to be the one to hold her when we go out (even though I want a break I want the pride more).
The luxury bathroom we spent years installing is brightly decorated with plastic baby bath toys.
I don't need an alarm clock.
I do need a cleaner.
The laundry basket is always full.
Whereas I use to procrastinate, I can now do things at twice the pace.
My handbag is just a smaller, portable version of the playroom.
When I go in a shop, I go to the kids section first!
I use dry shampoo for many consecutive days......I always used to wash my hair daily or every other day! 
Shower time is a luxury!Waking up at 7:30am feels like a lie in! Gone are there days where I could sleep in to midday!
I sing nursery rhymes to myself when my baby isn't around.....sometimes I forget what music I used to listen to before baby was born!
I now find it acceptable to do the sniff test when changing a nappy.
I have nursery rhymes playing on repeat in the car.
I now refer to my other half as daddy!
I wiped another human's vomit, pee and poop from my clothing, hair and skin without flinching.
It has become normal, nay necessary, to sniff another human's bum several times a day.
I feel another level of love and protection I never knew existed.
I've realised that my needs would come second forevermore and that's OK.
No great night out is worth the hangover when dealing with a crying baby.
I talk to my partner in a new passive aggressive manner via the baby "Daddy likes to leave all the pooey nappies to Mummy doesn't he".
When anyone asks how I am I automatically talk about the baby.
Body fluids no longer scare me. In fact most fluids nowadays can be cleaned by using the "rub it in until you can't see it anymore" method.
Pre-baby I'd get home after a long day and mark 'me' time by taking off my bra. 
As a new mum its now the other way around.
A hot cup of tea is exhilarating.
I seriously consider long drives at 3am as a way of making life less stressful.
Wet wipes become the answer to everything.
Guilt, guilt, guilt.
I suddenly genuinely care about other people's children.
My Christmas/birthday gifts have stopped being cocktail sets and nail varnish and started being high chairs and things that make noise when shaken.
I spend my days being very committed to making inanimate objects seem fun.
Most things can now be achieved one handed.
Reading material for the toilet now consists of 'The Tiger That Came to Tea'.
I now carry a small bag of my own possessions that lives inside a much bigger bag...
Wet wipes placed in various strategic locations around the house, car and bags.
Bucket loads of dry shampoo all over the house.
My baby is perfectly content after a day in the sun, whilst I am burnt, dehydrated and hungry have totally neglected my own needs.
My phone memory is always full due to the quantity of photos taken.
I ring my other half to tell him the 'mega exciting' thing that happened that day, baby touched the hanging caterpillar with one finger... development milestone!
I congratulate another human for successfully burping.
I am totally and utterly consumed by love.

Thanks to all the lovely mummys that have contributed :)

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